Boobie Post

My bro-in-law (though I like to think of him as my own brother) and his wife (though I like to think of her as my own sister--ok, I know what that sounds like, but you know I don't mean anything weird by it! Sheesh) welcomed their first child into the world Saturday morning.
My baby nephew is beautiful. That's right. I said beautiful. For a boy. What're you going to do about it? It fits him perfectly.
I cannot wait to see him in person and to hug him and kiss him and to just love on him.
This baby has been very emotional for me, and I am not even his mom! When they told us they were pregnant I cried for a week. Seriously. I was that excited. And a little heartbroken. Knowing I wouldn't get to see my sis as she grew and feel the baby move inside her, and won't be close enough to see him as often as I would like once he is born...
And then at Easter my sister in law sent us a card with an ultrasound pic and the card read "Hi Buckners! I wanted to wish you a Happy Easter and let you know I'm excited to meet you. Love Baby Buckner"
Yeah.
That one did me in all over again. I cried on and off about that one for a few days.
I know. I am a total weenie.
And today I cried when I saw the baby pics. And just now I cried when my brother told me that he just loves him. Just loves him so completely. And can't wait to see him grow, and go fishing with him, and hiking with him, and...well, I didn't really hear much else, because I was crying so hard.
What a boob.

I'm over it

The good thing about me is that I can usually bounce back pretty quickly. I may have a real dark day or two, but then I usually grow up or decide that it's pointless to feel so down. Maybe it's because Mom always used to sing (however off-key) 'you've got to pick yourself up/dust yourself off/ and start right over again' so many times while I was growing up, that it kind of got stuck in that thick thing I call a noggin.
So my house is small.
So it never is clean.
So I don't have enough places to put most of what we have.
So I have no hope of moving any time soon since there is no chance in you-know-where that we'll find a better job and be moving within the next year or more.
So I bought the house thinking we'd live here for just a few years before moving on.
So I had children thinking the above statement was true.
So I maybe resigning myself to living here for twice as long as I had imagined.
Oh, shoot. I said I'm over it, didn't I.
Well, I guess not TOTALLY over it. But enough that I have stopped crying and throwing a huge hissy fit over it. Like I said. Grow up.
So, right now, maybe I'm not a 3 year old like yesterday. Maybe just 13. Hopefully tomorrow I can make it into the 20s.
But really, I mean c'mon. (at the risk of sounding like my 13 year old self) It just isn't fair!!!

And I know you know someone like that. Who just seems to stumble into fortunate circumstances left and right. Sometimes they aren't even very nice people. At least my friend...well, to be truthful that family deserve all the goodness they can get.
I just need to figure out what they are doing right and I'm doing so wrong.

OK, so I'm not fun

because today i just feel like complaining. and noone thinks a complainer is fun. when was the last time anyone invited wendy whiner out for a girl's night, am I right? but i'm taking over ol' wendy's role today.
i know we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to others. i get that. right now i am just having a hard time with it. i mean, what is it that i am doing so wrong? how is it that despite trying to find better work for buck (for several YEARS, now, mind you), there is still nothing? how is it that i have a friend--a good friend, the best--who just falls feet first every single time in an even better situation than the one just 'fallen' from? it's gotten to the point that when that friend is upset over a situation, i just sit back and wait for the windfall to hit them. I don't even worry anymore like i used to. don't get me wrong, i still pray for them, but i know there's no real point to it...He's got them covered.
now, i know that i am blessed with several things. i have a family, i have a home, i have a good husband who loves me and his kids, who has a job that provides for us. we are healthy. but frankly, i just can't stand that i'm living in such a small piece-of-crap hole that i'm trying to make into a home.
i'm also tired of being the one that people look at when they are discontent with their own homes and lives and think "well, at least I don't have to live like that". and if you think that people don't think that, well, let's just say that it isn't the first or second time that I've heard it about my place.
and before you send me a link to the Robert D. Hales talk from GC, I already am listening to it. So shut up.